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Mama Told Me There’d Be Days Like This

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I woke up this morning in intense, sharp, excruciating pain. It’s a pain I’ve felt before, a pain I can’t really explain in words, but fortunately, it’s not one I feel often any more. I don’t know what causes it. I don’t know where it comes from. I don’t have any correlation to activities or foods or stressors that make it come on. It has some common elements: It almost always happens first thing in the morning; it doesn’t last very long relatively; and when it does come on, I know I’ll have a bad day. This morning’s pain was a little different in that it seemed to start with a headache. I don’t usually get headaches like some people do. In fact, until this year, I never understood what a migraine was like. I have since had three migraines this year, medication induced, we believe, and I have a lot of empathy for people with migraines. There’s something different about pain when it’s in your head vs. your body. It affects so much more about who you are, personality, mood, thought processes.

Anyway, that pain is now gone, but the body pain remains. I’m sick to my stomach from it. It’s bad. It’s so bad in the mornings sometimes I can only lie in bed and rock back and forth, sometimes crying–other times, I can’t even rock back and forth, because it hurts too much to even move. Those are the worsts mornings. Those mornings, I’ll take my meds and then lie there, still as can be, waiting for the pain to pass. Eventually, it passes–but it seems like it takes forever sometimes. It wears me down. Makes it hard to ‘live’, to really LIVE.

My mom said to me on the phone the other day that she didn’t know how I managed to keep my spirits up with all I have to deal with. I answered her honestly, “Some days, I don’t.”

But ultimately, I love my life, and I love being alive. I’d rather live in pain than to not live at all–and that’s the truth.

I took my medication at about 7:50 this morning. It is currently 10am, and I’m just now feeling enough pain relief to be able to sit up. I’m still hurting, but at least I can move again.

Rough morning.

Here’s hoping you all have a better Sunday morning than mine has been, and here’s looking to a better afternoon for me too.

Love and stuff,

Michy

 

 

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7 Responses to “Mama Told Me There’d Be Days Like This”

  1. So sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope it goes away soon.

  2. Michy,

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such terrible pain. I feel kinda guilty about complaining of a migraine yesterday. It’s gone now. Fortunately, I can usually take a few ibuprofen and nap it away. I wish it was that simple for you.

    Sending prayers that this next week will be pain free.

    Cyn

  3. Farah says:

    Ugh! Trust me, I know what a true migraine is.. not a headache, but the real stuff. You’re constantly living through all sorts of pain, and I wonder the same way your mom does. One can only draw inspiration from you.

    I hope you feel much better, and all those ugly pains fall away.

    *hugz*

    • Beatriz says:

      I have no choice but to be puidrctove today AND cook a full-course meal. My best friend recently had surgery and I am down on the menu rotation for bringing her and her family a meal this evening. I guess that means I will need to get dressed again as well. Just remember that today is a new day and perhaps this is the day you will get stuff accomplished beyond your wildest imagination.

  4. Derek Odom says:

    Oof, that doesn’t sound good at all. Weird that it’s a mystery pain, eh?

  5. Yes, Derek, that’s the part that puzzles me so. I’m scheduled to meet with a neurologist because an rheumotologist said he thinks it’s a nerve condition, something about the large nerve fiber activation, and that’s likely caused by my spine problems, and would be a neurological–so I got referred to one, but they can’t get me in until June… it’s a strange pain, a pain I can’t even explain. It responds to pain pills moderately and it responds quite well to steroids… I can’t pin point it, can’t show you where the pain is, it’s like it’s all over, but nowhere at the same time. It’s dull, sharp and stinging all at the same time… that type of thing. Can’t explain it. I’ve met several doctors who don’t believe me too. Happens most often in the mornings, usually gets better as the day goes on, then builds up again late at night.

    It’s very strange…

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