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We All Bear Scars

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The other day, I was washing the coffee pot in the kitchen. The top of the lid was white and it was stained a bit, so I took it off, turned it sideways, and was going to put it inside the carafe so I could fill lit with bleach and let it soak. I’ve done this dozens of times. For whatever reason, this time, the lid caught the side of the glass, and when I pushed down, it cracked the glass itself and, in part because I’m in the wheelchair at the sink, the angle at which I am doing this is changed some from standing, and my hand came down sideways on the broken glass. I have four cuts, not too deep but enough they hurt when I brush against them, one small puncture wound on the side of the hand, and then a large, deep laceration on the tip of my pointer finger.

It’s really bad. I should have had stitches or at least gotten it butterflied. You can, three days later, still see the bubbly flesh under it, the fatty tissue. It’s healing, but it’s not sealed yet. It’s bruised. I’m on blood thinners, so it took a bit to get it to stop bleeding, but when it did, it left it quite bruised and now it’s several shades of colors. It’s swollen. Worst of all, I manage to keep hitting it on things over and over and it freaking hurts. (more…)

Doing Some Thinking

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A few months ago, I ventured into the forums on a Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension (PAH) website. My first foray into the support group there brought me to a thread about a woman with severe and advanced PAH. She was on an IV pump, and the medication that’s used in that pump has a half life of about a minute or so, so coming off that medication can often mean death. It’s such a required part of her life, that if the IV has warnings on it for paramedics letting them know NOT to remove that IV and to start a new one before removing that one. There’s like a 2 minute window to get back on these meds. This woman had lived like this for years, and I came in to the forum at a time that she had just made the decision, with the help of her pastor and her husband and family, to stop her medication. Though no one said the words, basically, she was telling everyone she was ready to die. (more…)

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