Being told you have a terminal illness is something that will likely hit everyone differently. We all die. That’s fact. Fortunately, most people won’t ever have to face that reality of being told they are going to die younger than they ever imagined. That’s scary. It’s a feeling one cannot explain. I never thought I would hear those words either, until this year, when it happened. There are a lot of things in my life I never thought would happen–and they did, and I survived them, and life went on. Now, this is something that is happening to me that ultimately I won’t survive, life will, eventually, not go on this time. Wow. Talk about a kick in the gut.
My first instinct was to ball up and hold everything inside, but that’s not who I am. I am a writer–it’s not what I do; it’s who I am! That has been my tagline for the past fifteen+ years, and it’s so very true. Writing is my therapy, and it won’t matter if it’s on the blog or not, I will be writing about my experiences as I go through them. But I don’t exist in a vacuum, and CTEPH and Congestive Heart Failure, the two potentially terminal conditions I’ve been diagnosed with, and CTEPH in specific is such a rare thing, I thought maybe sharing my experiences will help someone else too. I know it will help me.
It’s also my online journal or log of my health and how it’s changing over the months. I can get so bogged down with the day-to-day living stuff, that sometimes I forget to look at what’s been lost and what’s been gained, medications changes, diagnoses that came and went, etc. This will be a place to keep that all together for quick access for myself too.
So that’s what this blog is, my journal, my life, my feelings, my place to rant, my safe place, and I’m sharing it with you. Now, don’t you just feel so lucky? (ha!)